


The Heat of the Moment

by KrisLetang



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Gun Violence, Hostage Situations, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Idiots in Love, Injury, Major Character Injury, Near Death Experiences, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:13:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang
Summary: Barba and Benson get caught up in a hostage situation and are forced to huddle for warmth in a lock in freezer to try and survive. Barba is injured, and they have no idea how they'll make it out.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49
Collections: Happy birthday Michelle!





	The Heat of the Moment

Rafael hit the floor with a thud. Liv’s hand was strong on the back of his neck, and it took him a moment to realize she was the one who had shoved him down like that. His brain was lagging, his ears still ringing from the bang. Liv’s hand was curled in the back of his shirt, and he felt her tugging, so he tried to get to his knees, but it was too late. Rafael was staring down the black barrel of a gun. “Rafa,” Liv said softly, pulling on the back of his shirt again, and he slowly stood, feeling frozen. He cursed himself, trying to get a handle on his body, but Liv was already trying to step between him and the gunman. 

“Back up or I put a bullet in his head,” the gunman said, his voice gruff. 

“We don’t have to do this,” Liv said, and Rafael tried to listen to her voice and calm himself down. There was no one else who he trusted more. “You can leave now. No one got hurt, not yet. You can leave. We’ll just forget about this.” 

“You a cop?” he asked, glancing at her waist where her badge was. 

“Yes,” Liv said softly. 

“Then shut your mouth,” he said. “You have a gun?” 

“No,” Liv said. “I left it in the car. My Sergeant is expecting me back at the precinct. He’s going to wonder where I am. If you leave now….” 

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll shoot your boyfriend,” the gunman said. 

“It’s not too late,” she said. 

Rafael didn’t feel it at first, but he heard it, and he felt himself hit the floor, his hands instinctively going to his leg. It was a long moment before the pain fully registered, and he screamed, clutching at the wound. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Fuck.” Liv was at his side. 

“Jesus Christ,” she whispered. “Rafa, Jesus. Hold this on your leg. Right now.” 

“I said shut up. I’ll shoot him again,” he said. Rafael pushed her jacket down against his leg, pressing as hard as he could. He was trying to breathe through the pain and the panic. “Get up,” he said, pointing the gun at Rafael again. He wasn’t sure if he could get up. Liv helped him though. He couldn’t help the sound of pain that escaped his lips when he tried putting weight on his leg, but he had to push through it because otherwise, he was going to take another bullet. The gun was shoved into his back and he limped forward, leaning on Liv more than he wanted to think about. “Open it,” the man said, and Liv opened some sort of door. Barba just focused on moving forward. 

The cold didn’t register right away, but once the door shut, the gravity of their situation hit him like a brick. “Here, sit down,” Liv said, helping him lower himself to the floor carefully. 

“Are we in a freezer?” he asked, beginning to shiver. 

“Yes,” Liv said, pushing on the jacket. He winced. 

“Jesus Liv, push harder, why don’t you,” he said. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. 

“It’s fucking freezing in here,” he griped, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“It might stop the bleeding though,” Liv said. 

“I think I’d rather bleed to death than freeze to death,” he said, wincing as she continued to apply pressure to his leg. 

“How about we stop talking about you dying,” Liv said softly. “I need you to take your pants off. I need to look at this wound.” 

“You want me to take my pants off in a freezer?” he asked, sounding incredulous. 

“I know, Rafael. I know this sucks, and I’m sorry, but I need to look at your leg,” Liv said, looking at him seriously.

“This is ridiculous,” he complained. “We just wanted to get some ice cream and now I have to get half naked in a freezer.” He muttered under his breath as he tried to shift around where he was sitting but he winced, hands clenching. “No, I’m not taking them off. Just keep putting pressure on it like this.”

“Rafa,” Liv said. 

“No,” he said. “I draw the line at sitting in here in my underwear.” 

“I need to look at it and you know it, so the less energy and time you waste arguing with me, the better,” Liv said, and he sighed. Finally, she saw his defenses begin to drop. 

“I need help,” he whispered, looking defeated. 

“Okay,” she said, gently reaching for his fly. 

“This is just perfect,” he grumbled.

Liv was gentle as she slipped the button from its hole and unzipped his pants. She was gentle as she started easing the waistband down over his hips, and he winced slightly. He had his hands clenched at his sides, and she wanted this to be as painless for him as possible. She tried to be as gentle as possible as she eased his pants down his legs. He was doing his best to keep still and quiet, but she could hear the pain in his voice. 

“Scream if you have to. It’s okay,” Liv said. “It’s probably going to hurt now. It looks like some of that fabric of your pants might be in the wound. I’m going to do it quickly. Ready?” He nodded, squeezing his eyes closed. 

He screamed and his fingers scrabbled across the cold floor, searching for purchase, as she yanked the fabric down his legs, and he was gasping once it was over, trying to recover. “Sorry, sorry,” she whispered. “It’s over now.” She had her hand on his uninjured thigh, rubbing gently and trying to comfort him. “I’m going to touch it in a minute. Try to stay still.” 

Liv pushed his boxer briefs up his leg, and she felt his quad tense under her fingers. He was blushing when she glanced at his face, but she didn’t mention the bulge in his shorts. The wound was closer to the outside of his thigh than his inner leg. There was so much blood, but it seemed to be slowing as he sat in the cold. “Liv,” he whispered. “I’m cold. Jesus.”

“I know,” she said softly. 

“How long can we stay in here like this?” he asked, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“Don’t worry about that,” Liv said softly. “We’re going to be fine. I’m going to touch this really quickly. Can you bend your knee so I can look at the underside of your leg?” There was an exit wound. She needed to wrap his leg somehow to try and stem the bleeding. The cold was going to be helpful, but she wanted to be as proactive as possible. His blood vessels would constrict and his body would begin to preserve the blood flow to the vital organs as his body temperature continued to drop. After inspecting his injury, she was pretty confident that it was merely a flesh wound which was a relief. She looked up at him, and he smiled, a soft and muted smile, but it was there. Liv rubbed her hands together, already feeling chilly, and then she reached for the knot in his tie. He started to protest, but he quickly quieted, knowing it was necessary. She also plucked his pocket square from his jacket. She stripped her own undershirt off, slipping back into her button up and blazer before making a makeshift dressing for his leg. She finished it off by looping and tightening her belt around his thigh above the wound. 

Once that was taken care of, Olivia surveyed their clothing. He was still in his work clothes: an undershirt, his button down, a vest, a blazer and his winter jacket. She wanted to help him slip his pants back on, but she wasn’t sure how that would go over. He needed to be as warm as possible. 

It took a bit of oomph, and Rafael had to lift his hips which was painful for him, but Liv got his pants back up for the time being. She didn’t bother fastening them. He was shivering. “We need to get warm now,” Liv said. “I don’t know how long we’ll be in here.” She looked around the freezer. There were cardboard boxes and a few sheets of plastic hanging down from the shelves. Liv grabbed a few boxes, quickly breaking them down and setting them on the cold metal surface. “Sit on there,” she said, grabbing a few more to make it as thick as possible. She yanked at the plastic, and it took a few moments, but she pulled it off the wall finally. She quickly constructed a makeshift shelter to help protect them from the cold. “Take off your coat,” Liv said. He nodded, still shivering, but he managed to get out of his jacket. She took off her own jacket, crawling down next to him. 

He wrapped an arm around her waist as they laid on their sides, sharing body heat. Liv draped both jackets over them the best she could to try and keep them both warm. “Liv,” he whispered. 

“Shh,” she said back. “Don’t talk too much. Save your energy. Someone will be here soon.” Liv couldn’t get comfortable. She was doing her best to stay still, but she couldn’t help shifting around. Rafael was quiet, his breath soft against the back of her neck. 

“Did you check your phone?” he asked. “Mine is a goner. I think I crushed it when I fell.” 

“I did. No cell service,” Liv said. “I shouldn’t have left my gun in the car.” She shifted again, trying to find a comfortable enough position.

“We were just getting ice cream,” Rafael whispered. “There was no reason why you should have needed it. Don’t beat yourself up.” 

“I’m sorry I got you shot,” she said. 

“Yeah, you owe me for that one,” Rafael said, and she laughed. She shifted again. “Stop moving, please,” he whispered. 

“Sorry,” she said. “This is so uncomfortable.” He didn’t say anything else. She found herself shifting again then. 

“Liv,  _ please _ . Stop moving,” he said, his voice sounding strained and agitated. 

“Sorry,” she whispered, suddenly realizing why he sounded so desperate. 

“No, I’m sorry,” he whispered, leaning his face down against her shoulder. He shifted his hips backwards slightly. She could practically see how red his face was. “Are we going to die in here?” he whispered. 

“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I’m not sure how long we’ll make it.” They were both quiet for a long while, but Liv was beginning to have a sinking feeling in her gut. They’d been in the freezer for awhile. She had thought someone would be there by then to get them out, and she was shivering again. 

“I don’t feel so well,” he whispered finally. Liv felt an intense dread in her stomach. She carefully turned over to face him, mindful not to jostle his leg. 

“You can’t fall asleep,” she said. “You have to stay with me.” 

“Liv, I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to,” he said. She looked at him, really looked at him, and she found herself cupping his cheek and running her thumb over the soft swell of it. She was struck by a wave of emotions. His green eyes were dulled, and he did look tired. He leaned forward then, lips brushing hers, and it surprised her, but she kissed him back. His lips were cold, but they were soft and his fingers touched her hip through the fabric of her blouse. 

Liv pulled back for a moment before kissing him again. He was agreeable, opening his mouth to the push of her tongue. Liv slipped her fingers into his hair, and he pulled her closer. “Rafa, we shouldn’t.” 

“I think I’m dying Liv,” he whispered. She thought about it for a moment, thought about the prospect of losing him. It made her feel broken, but she was starting to feel a bit ill as well. Their situation was dire, and she was wondering where the help was. 

“You aren’t,” she whispered. She couldn’t think that he was. 

“If we’re going to die, we might as well feel something good,” he whispered. He kissed her again, and she let him. That seemed to placate him. He was content. “Thank you,” he whispered. His hands were cold under their makeshift cover, but she didn’t complain when he slipped them under her blazer and found bare skin where her shirt had come untucked. 

Liv wasn’t sure about logistics, but she wanted to feel him, and it was beginning to feel overwhelming. It was something nice to think about, something that took her mind off her rapidly lowering body temperature. She still had a hand curled over the back of his neck, and his hand was still under her blazer. 

“You’re warm,” he whispered, nosing his way past her hair to kiss her neck. 

“I don’t think warm is the word I would use to describe either of us. Maybe I’m a little warmer than you,” she said, and he laughed. “We shouldn’t do this,” she whispered again. “But we can do it. If you want. I want to.” 

“You do?” he asked softly. She could see the desire in his eyes. “I’d like to state for the record that this won’t be my best performance,” he said softly. “I’m a cripple and basically an ice cube.” 

“Don’t worry. I’ll do most of the work,” Liv said with a laugh. “You need to rest your leg.” 

“It won’t really matter what I do with my leg if I die,” he whispered, and she shook her head, putting a finger over his lips to quiet him. 

“Roll on your back,” she said softly. It took a little bit of maneuvering to get him situated and covered up. She straddled his waist, making quick work of his fly. 

“Is this guilt sex?” he asked, a humorous tone to his voice. He was smirking at her, just slightly, but she could see the self consciousness simmering underneath. 

“Guilt?” She whispered, feeling a twisting dread in her gut. She did feel guilty for getting him shot, but none of this was about that. “No, of course not. I would hope you’d know I don’t do guilt sex. Or pity sex.”

“In my defense, we haven’t ever had any sex,” he said, and she rolled her eyes at him. Liv shut him up by reaching into his pants. 

“Just be quiet and enjoy yourself,” she said, and he laughed softly, but there was something about the way his hands clutched her sides that made her want to cry. He couldn’t die. She didn’t want to die. She had a little boy at home waiting for her. 

He was afraid. She could feel that in the way his fingers dug into her legs. “You might need to coax him out,” he said, and that did make her laugh. “The cold.” Liv carefully slid down his body, gently taking him into her mouth, and his hips jerked forward. 

“ _ Jesus _ , Liv,” he gasped. His fingers were gentle as they tangled into her hair. “I--I’m not cold anymore.” She laughed softly which made him jerk again. He was swelling in her mouth, and she thought about teasing him about being a grower, but it didn’t feel like the time. She was too afraid he wasn’t going to make it. She just wanted to be with him in this way; they waited too long, and now, their only chance was locked in a freezer as they began to succumb to hypothermia. 

“Okay,” he said softly. “Okay.” She crawled back up to kiss him, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her close. She’d already wriggled out of her pants just enough to make room. Liv kissed him, checking his face for any sign of hesitation. When she found none, she gently eased down around him. His fingers tightened, and she let out a soft breath; he certainly was thick, and she felt warmer when she was so close to him. 

Their foreheads were nearly bumping as she kissed him, and she leaned into it, wanting all the touch she could get. It was awkward and tentative at first, trying to find a rhythm and a way to move around the jackets they were using to stay covered. Nothing felt quite right about it, but it was them and that made it perfect for her. She just needed to be close to him. She had one hand resting over his heart, feeling each beat as their bodies rocked against each other. He let out a soft noise, one that went straight to her core. 

Liv sped up her motions, wanting him to feel something good. She could see in his face that he was deteriorating. “Liv,” he whispered. 

“Shh,” she murmured, stroking his hair. She guided his face to her neck, and she felt his little puffs of air against her skin as she pushed him over the edge. She wasn’t far behind. She heard him whisper her name, and she wanted to hear that sound for the rest of her life. He shuddered and groaned before going slack, and she stayed like that for a moment longer, wanting to savor it, before she gently eased off of him, getting him zipped up and slipping back into her own pants. 

He seemed a little dazed when he looked at her, but she let him pull her in for another kiss. “You should lay down again,” Liv whispered to him. He nodded, putting up no resistance. He laid down, and Liv slid up behind him, trying to wrap her arms around his body as tightly as she could. She needed to keep him as warm as possible. 

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way, the soft rise and fall of his chest soothing her as much as possible. “Liv,” he finally whispered. He wasn’t shivering anymore. “I’m tired.” 

“No, you have to stay awake,” she said, feeling desperate. 

“I don’t think I can.” His voice was so small, she could barely hear it. 

“Please, Rafa, just a little while longer,” Liv begged. 

“Liv, it’s okay. Just let me go,” he said. “It’s okay. Tell my Mom--” 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Liv said. “Come on, just please, please try. For me.” 

“I’m trying,” he whispered. “But I’m just so...I’m so…” he trailed off. She could still feel him breathing, but he wasn’t moving anymore. He was limp in her arms. 

“No,” she whispered. “Please.” She pressed her face against the back of his shoulder. “Don’t leave me.” 

She forced herself to focus on each breath he took; that meant he was still alive. He had to still be alive. Eventually though, she could hardly feel any movement, and she felt herself begin to panic. She pulled him onto his back, feeling for a pulse, but her fingers were so cold. She couldn’t feel anything. His lips were tinged blue. As she tried to get herself under control and figure out what she needed to do to save him, she heard the door open, and she turned. 

“Liv? Barba?” It was Fin’s voice. 

“Fin, please, it’s Barba,” she called, sitting up. She felt too weak to really drag Rafael’s dead weight any distance. Fin was in there in moments, and she thought she heard Carisi’s voice too. She felt them take Rafael, but she couldn’t seem to keep her own eyes open any longer. She felt someone lifting her just as she drifted off completely. 

………………………

When Liv woke up, the first thing she heard was her son’s voice. He was talking a mile a minute, and that soothed her heart. It took her a moment to orient herself as she blinked up at the ceiling. She only had that one moment of calm before she remembered. She forced herself to look around the room. She saw Rollins sitting with Noah in a chair. “Rollins,” she croaked. 

“Mama!” Noah yelled, standing up. 

“Rollins,” she said more insistently, “Barba? Where is he?” 

“Liv,” Rollins said softly, but she was interrupted by Noah starting to climb on the hospital bed. Liv took him into her arms, stroking her fingers through his curls. 

“Hi, baby,” she whispered, trying to placate him before looking back at her detective. “Rollins, please,” Liv said. 

“He’s hanging in there,” she said finally. 

“Can I see him?” Liv asked. “Please. I need to see him.” 

“I’ll ask,” Rollins said, standing. “Noah, let your Mom rest.” 

Liv focused on holding Noah close as she waited to hear if she could see Rafael. He was still alive, and she was trying to hold on to that. She felt exhausted, and all she really wanted to do was go back to sleep, but she had to see him. She had to see him breathing again because the last time she’d seen him, he hadn’t been, and she couldn’t close her eyes again because she knew it would be the only thing she would see. 

………………………..

Rafael’s whole body felt like lead. Opening his eyes seemed to zap him of all energy. He felt something or someone touching his hand. He couldn’t tell who or what, but he could feel it there. He swallowed. His mouth felt dry. He needed to know where Liv was. Was she alright? It took all of his will power, and every drop of energy he had left, but he managed to speak. “L--Liiv?” he asked, his voice hoarse and cracked. 

“Rafa?” she whispered back. He felt a squeeze on his hand, and his tired brain managed to put together that she was holding his hand. 

“I’m alive?” he whispered. Then he saw her face as she stood and looked down at him. 

“You’re alive,” she confirmed. 

“I don’t feel so well,” he commented. She smiled at him, pushing some hair back from his face. “Can I have some water?” 

“Sure,” she whispered. He felt the straw against his lips, and he opened them, sipping the water slowly. 

He remembered the freezer, remembered how he felt like he was going to die. He remembered the feeling of Liv’s body pressed against his own. That small comfort had meant the world to him.  _ I would hope you’d know I don’t do guilt sex. Or pity sex.  _ Those words kept sticking in his mind accompanied by the image of her face, the way her lips fell open in ecstasy. He wanted to push it away because it confused him--all of it. What had it meant? 

It was too easy for him to assume she felt the way he did. It felt like a dream, and things had never quite worked out that perfectly in his life, not ever. They had both thought they were dying, and he knew that. He couldn’t hold her responsible for her actions any more than she’d hold him responsible for his. 

“Rest up now,” Liv whispered. “I think we need to talk later, but right now you need to get your strength up.” 

“It’s okay, Liv,” he whispered. “We can just forget about what happened.” She frowned. 

“Is that what you want?” she asked him. He shrugged. 

“We were both afraid, we wanted to feel something, to feel like we weren’t alone,” he said. “And that was okay. It’s what we needed then. It doesn’t have to be what we need now. It’s okay if it isn’t.” 

She seemed stunned, like she didn’t quite know how to respond to what he said, and he wished she would just let him let her off the hook. “If that’s what you want, Rafa, you know I’ll respect that,” she finally said softly. 

“What  _ I  _ want?” he asked. He felt confused. “Listen, I’m offering you an out Liv. We never talked about anything, and it was an emergency, and I don’t think it’s fair of me to make assumptions when I’m not thinking with my head.” 

“You are making assumptions,” she whispered. She sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you really think I just had sex with you because it was convenient?” 

“I was the only one there,” he whispered. “We were dying.” 

“Rafael,” she whispered. “You are a silly man sometimes. Rafael that was the least convenient thing I’ve ever done. I did it because I wanted to. Because I love you.” 

“You love me?” he asked softly, and she could see him beginning to tear up. 

“I think the correct response to that is--” 

“I love you too,” he interrupted. “Maybe I should give Harvard back their scholarship.” She laughed softly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. 

“I’m sorry. I thought we were on the same page,” she whispered. “I thought you knew.” 

“To be fair, I think my brain cells were frozen,” he said, and she laughed again. 

“If we had to be in that room, Rafa, if we both had to die, I wouldn’t want anyone else with me,” she whispered. She kissed him softly after that, and he made a soft noise into her mouth. 

“Will you come up in this bed?” he whispered softly. 

“As much as I enjoyed doing it in a freezer…” 

“Shush, I want to hold you,” he said. “While we’re warm.” 

“Okay,” Liv whispered, carefully easing in the bed beside him. 

“How’s my leg?” he asked, helping to get them both situated as much as he could. 

“The cold stopped the bleeding. You might need some physical therapy, but you’ll be just fine, I promise,” she said, and he smiled. He pressed his face against her hair, and she laid her hand over his heart, feeling the rhythmic beating and the rise and fall of his chest. 


End file.
